Before Sunrise
by MoistTowelette
Summary: "Kurt. Finn." Burt Hummel eyed the naked blond kid and mohawked punk behind his son and step-son with ill concealed anger. "You boys want to tell me what's going on down here?" A multi-chapter Kum fic with brotherly Furt and friendly Puckurt. NEW CHAPTER.
1. Before Sunrise

**Disclaimer: Glee belongs to a bunch of rich white people aka not me.**

**Read and review!**

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><p>Kurt Hummel lay sleeping in his basement bedroom, dreaming of his boyfriend and his insanely big mouth. While he was slumbering peacefully he felt the light tip of a marker on his skin. He moved his legs restlessly, unsure if it was in his dreams or reality that he felt the marker. His feet hit the warm, smooth skin of someone else under his blanket. A little perturbed, but not really since it was so early and he was still very sleepy, and still feeling the gunk and crust on his eyelid as he pried open one of his eyes, he peeked under his blanket and found his boyfriend lying on his stomach between his legs, marking up Kurt's naked body with a pack of colored Sharpies. Groaning and wanting to go back to sleep, he wrapped his legs around Sam's head and nearly suffocated the boy. Sam struggled and tried to extract himself from Kurt's crazy strong thighs but it wasn't until he tugged on the brunette's balls that Kurt let him go.<p>

Resting his head back on his pillow and drawing up the strength to talk he asked, "Samuel Robert Evans, what are you doing?" His voice was filled with sleep, and he barely groaned out the question before feeling the need to rest again. "Didn't you go home last night?"

"I was supposed to, but remember that 'cat nap' we took after our third round? Well we ended up sleeping for five hours. I woke up thinking we had school today but then I couldn't go back to sleep so I got bored," Sam said. "And I didn't want to wake you up, so I went over to your crafts table and I started playing with your button collection –."

" – Not the pewter ones right?" Kurt asked alarmed.

"No, just the shiny blue ones," Sam said, easing Kurt's fears. "But then I put one in my mouth to see how it felt and I kinda, sorta, maybe…swallowed it." Sam hung his head in embarrassment.

"You swallowed one?" Kurt nearly shouted. Sam nodded, resting his head on Kurt's chest. "Did you learn nothing after the gumball incident?" he chastised. "What if you had choked? Granted I would have no trouble sticking my entire fist and half my arm in your mouth, but I wouldn't even have been awake to try!"

"It was a button; I guess I thought I could stop it before it got too far in my mouth," Sam said, toying with Kurt's erect nipple. Kurt sighed, hoping someday Sam didn't end up killing himself by choking on something he accidentally swallowed. "Anyways, after freaking out for half an hour that I was going to die I found your markers and I wanted to draw an 'I'm sorry for swallowing your button' card but I couldn't find any paper and I didn't want to mess up any of your fashion sketches so I decided to draw on myself." He lifted his arm up and showed Kurt all the squiggly lines and doodles he'd drawn on his chest. "But it's kind of hard to draw upside down and stuff so I figured I could draw on you."

"Why me?" Kurt sighed, slightly amused at his precocious boyfriend's early morning adventures.

"Well, your skin's already really pale and pink, so it's like drawing on paper," Sam said, dropping kisses on Kurt's chest and rubbing his stomach. "Besides, I figured I could mark you as mine, in case any guys get the wrong idea and try to, like, claim you as their own."

"We live in Lima, Sam. There are only a few other gay guys in town, and believe me none of them interest me. Besides, if any more showed up I think the town would chase them out with torches and pitchforks," Kurt said.

"I guess," Sam said. Kurt could hear in his voice something was amiss and, despite the early morning hour, he pried further into his boyfriend's thoughts.

"What's wrong?" Kurt asked.

"Nothing," Sam sighed, burying his face into the crook of Kurt's arm. Kurt knew he was being a guy and avoiding confronting his feelings, but Kurt, as an honorary girl, knew better than to let him off the hook that easily. Yanking Sam up by the hair he forced Sam to look him in the eye.

"Sam, I love you, but if you don't tell me what's wrong I'm going to tell everyone at school how into feet you are," Kurt threatened.

Sam's eyes widened in shock. "You wouldn't," he said.

"We've been going out for six months, Sam. You should know by now I don't make threats, I make promises," Kurt said, eyeing Sam's quivering lips with satisfaction.

"Okay!" Sam said, afraid to let his fetish known. "I was just, I know you and Blaine are partnered up for the duet thing and it's kind of getting on my nerves," he said.

Kurt looked at his boyfriend pityingly. Is that why Sam's been so possessive lately? And why he wanted to sleep over so often now? He thought he'd made it clear before, but it appeared he'd have to set his boyfriend straight once again. "Blaine and I are just friends now, you know that right?" Sam looked away, afraid to meet Kurt's firm gaze. "Sam?"

"You guys are really close, is all," Sam said. "I mean, the guy switched schools for you, and you guys were going out for months."

"_We've_ been going out for months," Kurt reminded him. "Sam, Blaine and I have history, yes, but neither he nor I have feelings for one another anymore. We broke up because we realized there was no real chemistry between us and we were only together as long as we were because we got comfortable and didn't want to be alone. But then he found Karofsky, and I found this amazingly perfect, sweet guy who makes me realize everyday how much I love him." Kurt kissed Sam, sucking his lower lip gently before pulling away. The look of worry on Sam's face melted when Kurt kissed him, and the blond boy slumped onto his back in content. "You have nothing to worry about. Blaine and I are just friends. It's no different than when I see you talking with Santana or Quinn," Kurt said, easing Sam's fears. Sam stared adoringly into Kurt's eyes, his heart practically bursting out of his chest with love for the boy who held him so tenderly in his arms.

"How do you put up with me?" Sam asked, nuzzling up to Kurt. "Dealing with me all the time…I must stress you out." Kurt pecked Sam on the nose, earning a giggle from his boyfriend.

"I do a lot of yoga," Kurt shrugged. Stretching his body out he eyed the alarm clock on the nightstand next to his bed and let out a small shriek. "Good GaGa!" He threw the covers off him and Sam before racing around the room, gathering up their discarded clothes which they'd thrown around last night in their sexual haze.

"What's wrong?" Sam asked from his place on the bed.

"It's Saturday!" Kurt exclaimed, as if that answered everything. He hopped around the room, his hands filled with clothes. He dumped them in his hamper and got a stool from his bathroom so he could reach Sam's underwear that was caught on the chandelier.

"So…" Sam said, his big mouth formed into a perfect 'O' as he said the word. "It's like four thirty in the morning. We have plenty of time before anyone gets up."

"It's fishing day! My dad and Finn get up insanely early to go fishing and I always make them breakfast! They look forward to it every week. It's basically the only reason Finn is able to get up early on the weekend without us having to set off fireworks in his room," Kurt said breathlessly, finally retrieving Sam's jock. "They're going to be up any minute, and Finn _always_ comes in and wakes me up and…what are you still doing in bed?" he yelled at Sam. "Get up!" he ordered.

Sam's naked body had barely gotten out of the bed when they both heard a door slamming above their heads, followed by the thundering of feet descending the stairs. Kurt let out a small yelp before running to Sam, yanking the blanket off the bed and covering his boyfriend with it. Sam cursed while Kurt quickly apologized before forcing Sam to hide under his bed, afraid of the consequences should his father find him in his room. Hearing the thumping footsteps approach the basement door Kurt looked around for something to cover his nude figure. He figured he might as well hop into the pair of Sam's underwear that he was still holding from the chandelier. Looking around for more clothing he snatched a shirt from the couch in the corner and jumped into bed, pulling the sheet he usually slept on as a cover. He'd barely shut his eyes when he heard someone ripping open the basement door and pounding down the stairs to his room.

Finn saw his brother's sleeping form and, not one for subtlety, raced across the room and flung himself on Kurt's bed, sending the counter-tenor nearly a foot into the air. Finn continued to bounce on the bed like an excited toddler, making sure Kurt was awake in order to cook breakfast for him and Burt.

"Up, up, up!" he shouted, still jumping. "Up, Kurt! It's Saturday and you said you'd make us breakfast again!" He stopped jumping and fell onto his butt on the bed, sending Kurt flying towards the ceiling. Finn heard him groan but when Kurt refused to open his eyes he started shaking him, trying his best to wake his brother up. "Dude, come on! Waffles, bacon, eggs, toast, sausage! You promised!" Finn whined. He shook his brother more vigorously, making Kurt's head spin.

"Finn! I'm up!" Kurt yelled. He pinched the bridge of his nose, hoping to stop the migraine he felt coming on due to his brother's lack of consideration. "God, next time have the marching band wake me up, it'll be quieter."

"I tried to book them, but they were busy today," Finn quipped. Living with Kurt had greatly increased his verbal repartee and he was even able to go toe-to-toe in a sarcasm contest with his little brother (granted he was well-fed and rested before). "Come on! We're leaving in a couple of hours and I'm hungry!" he whined, kneeling next to Kurt on his bed.

"You were born hungry," Kurt said, sitting up. He hoped he looked like he just woke up, and yawned for added effect. "Could you give me a few minutes to greet the day?"

"No way, dude. Last time I let you 'greet the day' you spent the whole morning moisturizing and you sent us off with an Eggo and runny scrambled eggs," Finn said. "I want those buttermilk waffles you made for my birthday, and sausage, both link and patty, and three fried eggs and some scrambled eggs on the side and – ."

"Are you even going to fit on the boat or are they going to use your bloated corpse as a raft for the trip?" Kurt asked.

Finn scowled at his brother before saying, "I'm a growing boy. I need a healthy breakfast."

"If you grow anymore you're going to have to put flashers on your vests to warn incoming air traffic," Kurt said.

Finn buried his face in Kurt's sheets in defeat. "Why are you so mean? I just want breakfast!" His voice was muffled by Kurt's blankets.

Leaving Finn to stew in his own pity Kurt heard more footsteps descend the basement stairs. Expecting his father he was surprised (not pleasantly, though) to find Puck had cursed them with his presence.

"Dude, next time you step on me when you wake up I'm going to chop your foot off and beat you over the head with it," Puck threatened, still wiping the sleep from his eyes.

"Who told you to sleep on the floor anyways?" Finn asked. "Weren't you in bed with me last night?"

"Yeah, until you rolled onto me with your boner poking me in the stomach. I would have slept through it, too, until you started humping me and calling me 'Rachel'." Realizing what he was saying, his eyes widened in anger while chastising Finn. "Besides! Don't go around telling people we sleep in the same bed when I spend the night!" Puck looked to Kurt, who was nonplussed by the confession.

"Please, Puckerman, I've seen you two in the same bed before," Kurt yawned. "Carole's even shown me those pictures of you two sitting on the toilet together naked when you guys were being potty-trained."

Finn and Puck's jaws dropped in shock. "I'm going to kill my mom," Finn began, "after breakfast."

"Yeah, Hummel, where's this kick-ass breakfast Beefaroni over here wouldn't shut up about," Puck said, sitting on the couch across the room from Kurt and Finn. His eyes traveled under Kurt's bed and, seeing the tangle of blankets beneath, his mouth curved into a wicked smile.

"You're not going fishing with them, are you?" Kurt asked, not missing the smile on Puck's face but unsure of what it could be about.

"Yeah, I invited him last night," Finn said.

Kurt laughed, causing Puck and Finn to look confusedly at the small brunette. "You didn't ask my dad, did you?" he asked Finn.

Finn shook his head, that unsure expression of his still plastered to his face. "No, but Puck's gone with us before. What's the problem?"

Kurt, still giggling explained, "No offense, Puck, but my dad hates you."

"What did I ever do to your dad?" Puck asked offended. He got off the couch and walked to the bed, sitting on the other side of Kurt.

"Not my dad, you tire brush," Kurt said, ruffling Puck's mohawk, "me. He knows you're the one who threw me in dumpsters and slushied me all those years, not to mention that time you wrapped me up in a rainbow flag and tied me to the flagpole."

"Finn helped in a lot of those things," Puck said, trying to shift the blame off himself.

Finn shoved Puck, not happy at being implicated in his pranks. "Dude, I've already gotten lip about it from my mom and I'm helping Burt out at the garage every weekend practically until I die," Finn said.

"Anyways," Puck said, looking at Kurt after Finn's spiel, "I thought we were cool now."

"Yes, it's true I forgave you for those past offences, especially after I dragged you and Finn to all those gay-straight alliance meetings with me," Kurt said, "but my dad isn't so quick to forgive or forget."

"Well, you'll help him come around, right Humm – I mean Kurt," Puck said. He put his arm around Kurt, hugging him to his side and tousling his hair. Kurt tried to pull away from him but the mohawked boy only tightened his grip on the brunette.

"Why do you want to go fishing so badly?" Kurt asked, still struggling against Puck's grip.

"It's not just about the fishing, which I like to do because it smells like the girl's locker room and it kinda turns me on," Puck said. Kurt rolled his eyes, wondering if Puck really was this disgusting. "But you're my best friend's step-brother, which makes you, like, my best-step-brother-in-law." Kurt glared at Puck, unsure if he was being sincere or if there was an ulterior motive to his sucking up. "Besides, we're in glee together and I spend a lot of time here, and I don't want your dad to keep imagining my head mounted in the den every time I come over for dinner." He shined his bright brown eyes at Kurt, hoping it worked its charm.

"Save the puppy dog stare for someone who's not acquainted with your sexual history," Kurt said, unwinding Puck's arm from around him. "And I'll talk to my dad. He still won't like you, but at least you'll be able to have dinner with us without wondering if you'll live to see dessert."

"Thanks, Kurt," Puck said, slapping the brunette on the shoulder. "I like your shirt, by the way," he said off-handedly.

"Thanks," Kurt said, looking down to see the t-shirt he was wearing. It was a Captain America tee, with the tri-color shield front and center, and it had been purposely faded to give off a vintage look. Kurt realized this wasn't his shirt, and nearly pushed Puck off the bed when he heard what the mohawked boy said next.

"But I think it looked better on Sam yesterday," Puck smirked. "What do you say, Sam?" Puck asked, smacking the mattress.

Kurt shoved Puck angrily. "How did you know?"

"I saw his blond mop-top sticking out from under the bed," Puck said smugly.

Finn looked back and forth between his brother and Puck, wondering what the heck they were talking about. "Dude, you named your mattress Sam?" he asked Kurt. Kurt groaned and buried his face in his hands while Puck tried his best not to smack Finn upside the head.

"I don't know if your mom dropped you on your head when you were a kid or if you just spent too much time in front of the microwave, bro, but promise me you won't ever become, like, a detective or something," Puck said to Finn. "A lot of innocent lives could be ruined." Puck got up from the bed and reached underneath it, pulling the tangle of blankets out. He took the blanket by the edge and unraveled it, sending Sam's naked body rolling across the room.

"Whoa!" Puck and Finn yelled, shielding their eyes from Sam's bright naked ass as it bounced along the floor. Sam got up, his head still pounding from the roll on the floor, and hastily covered up his junk in his hands.

"Dude! What are you doing here?" Finn yelled, his face still turned and his hands raised to cover Sam's body.

"Umm…can I get some underwear? I'm showing some major nuttage here," Sam said.

"Go in my armoire. There should be some underwear in there," Kurt said, eyeing his boyfriend's backside admiringly. Sam hastened to the dresser and slipped on a pair of Kurt's briefs. "You guys can look now, he's dressed."

"Are you kidding? It's even worse now!" Puck complained. "I can totally see his…_bulge_."

"Eyes up, Puckerman," Sam warned. "This bulge is for Kurt's recreational use only."

"Sam, what are you doing down here? You and Kurt aren't supposed to be alone in the _living room _let alone Kurt's bedroom!" Finn screamed.

"Would you keep your voice down, Finn!" Kurt said, trying his best to hush his brother up.

"Yeah, Finnessa, calm down. So your brother and Evans are getting it on. Be happy for them. Maybe now your brother will be less of an uptight prude when I talk about my weekend exploits in glee," Puck said, slapping Kurt on the shoulder. Kurt scowled back at Puck.

"Dude! I don't want to hear about my brother getting it on with anyone!" Finn said, a sour expression coming over his face. "And it's not just that! Burt is going to kill me!"

"How is my dad going to kill you?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure it's my sweet ass Burt Hummel is going to be chasing down the streets of Lima with an axe, not yours," Sam said to Finn.

"No! He's going to kill _me_!" Finn ranted. He got up from the bed and started pacing the room like a madman. "He told me to look out for you Kurt, cause you're my little brother and I'm supposed to have your back because your so small, and I promised him I would, and I tried my best through the Karofsky thing but then you switched schools before I even got a chance to kick his ass and I figured all I had to worry about now was you giving me surprise makeovers while I slept but then you started seeing Blaine and I hoped he'd be a douche so I could kick his ass and prove how good I was at protecting you but he was really easy to keep an eye on cause the kid is so boring he never tried anything with you but then you came back to McKinley and I figured I'd have to protect you again but you tasered Karofsky your first day back and Santana outed him after he slushied Brittany so I figured you were safe but then you started seeing Sam and I knew he'd be trouble cause he was really impatient with Quinn going to second base and Burt thought he'd be trouble too so I promised to watch him and make sure this didn't happen but it did and right when I was supposed to be watching you and Burt's gonna kill Sam and then me and chop me up into little pieces and put me in the walls so nobody can find my body and I don't want to die I've only seen like two pairs of boobs and I haven't played the new Call of Duty yet and and _and_…!" Finn stopped, gasping for breath.

Kurt rushed up from the bed to where Finn was pacing and grabbed him by the shoulder. "Finn, you're my brother and I love you, so I hope you forgive me for this." He brought his arm back and slapped his brother forcefully on the face, breaking him from his rant. "Snap out of it!"

Puck and Sam looked at each other alarmed. "Dude, remind me never to get on Hummel's bad side," Puck said.

Kurt ignored Puck's remark and continued trying to calm Finn down. "Do you need something? Water, Tylenol…?"

"Buttermilk waffles?" Finn smiled sheepishly. Kurt rolled his eyes, resisting the urge to smack his brother again.

"For your next birthday I'm going to make you a salad for breakfast," Kurt groaned, pushing Finn away from him.

"It hasn't even happened yet and I can already tell you that's going to be the worst birthday ever," Finn grimaced.

The four boys heard a throat being cleared from the foot of the basement stairs and all their hearts nearly dropped out of their chests as they saw the imposing figure of Burt Hummel staring them down.

"Kurt. Finn." He eyed the naked blond kid and mohawked punk behind his son and step-son with ill concealed anger. "You boys want to tell me what's going on down here?"

"Dad, it's not what it looks like," Kurt tried to explain.

"Mr. H!" Puck said cheerily, rising from the bed to greet Burt with a handshake and a one-armed hug. "How's it going?"

"Can it, Puckerman," Burt said. Puck sat back on the bed, embarrassed by being shut down so fast. "What's with Sam being in his underwear? He didn't spend the night here, did he Kurt?"

"Dad, I – ," Kurt began. He looked around the room for help, but Puck was avoiding eye contact and Sam seemed so scared his knees were shaking and he looked ready to wet his pants at any minute.

"It's my fault Sam's here, Burt," Finn said, stepping up to take the blame. "I should have kept an eye out for this but I let it slip right past me. I should have been more vegative but I let you down."

Burt, as he was used to doing once he invited Carole and her son to live with them, looked to Kurt for an explanation of Finn's explanation. "I think he means 'vigilant', Dad."

"I thought it was 'vegative'," Finn said, confused.

"Why would one want to be more 'vegative'?" Kurt asked, turning to Finn with his arms crossed. "'Vigilant' means to be aware and alert. 'Vegative' isn't even a word."

"Vegetables are scary and gross, so I'm constantly _aware_ and on the _alert_ for their presence" Finn countered. "They could totally be the same word."

Kurt looked at Finn as if he had just grown an extra head. "I can't anymore!" he said, throwing his hands in the air. "Finn's right, it's his fault. Take him away before I show him off to scientists around the world as the first human being who has _reversed_ the process of evolution."

Finn looked to Burt, ready to accept his punishment. "I'm sorry," he said ashamedly.

"I doubt this is your fault, Finn," Burt said, clapping a hand on his step-son's shoulder. "I know I told you to keep an eye on Kurt, but you don't have to blame yourself for everything that goes wrong in his life. That's my job." Relief swept over Finn's face once he realized he was off the hook. "No, something tells me this is the work of my little misguided angel, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel." Turning to Kurt he waited for an explanation. "Well, son. Care to explain?"

"Umm…" Kurt began. He didn't exactly know how to dig himself out of this one.

"It's my fault, sir." Sam stepped forward, his hands still covering his underwear clad package as best as he could. He extended his hand, expecting to shake Burt's. When Burt just stared at it, fully aware of where his hand had just been, Sam brought it back to his side humiliated. Puck chuckled at his embarrassment, but after a quick death glare from Kurt his chuckle turned into a cough and he turned his head to avoid Kurt's wrath.

"See, Kurt told me about your fishing trip today and I asked to tag along," Sam explained. "He said it wouldn't be a problem so I showed up this morning in jeans and a tee thinking I was fine when he told me I had to dress to kill…the fish, I mean!" Sam stood still in his underwear, his cheeks burning with embarrassment. "So he called Finn down to help me get something to wear and Puck was with him and I was in the middle of changing when, well, you walked in."

Burt looked unsurely from Sam to Kurt. "Is that what happened, Kurt?"

"Yes. Exactly. Word for word," Kurt assured him.

"Finn?" Burt asked.

Kurt looked pleadingly to his brother, hoping he would cover their tracks. Finn sighed. "Yeah, totally. Sam dressed like he was going to a fair or something. Totally not fishing appropriate."

Burt eyed each boy suspiciously before deciding to believe their story. "Fine. I'm going to choose to believe you guys because it's too early in the morning to strangle the truth out from all of you. But in the future, Kurt, you tell me before you invite other people along fishing, alright?"

"Yes," Kurt agreed. "Absolutely."

"And Sam," Burt said, eyeing his son's boyfriend uneasily. Sam straightened to attention, eager to impress his boyfriend's father. "You keep your clothes on in my house, understood? I don't care if you've got bugs in your pants, you keep them on until you're at least half a mile away from Kurt."

"Yes, sir," Sam agreed immediately. "Clothes on at all times."

"Alright. You boys get ready," Burt said, moving towards the staircase, "in Finn's room," he added, seeing Sam and Kurt start to edge towards each other a little too excitedly. Before he got to the first step, however, he heard Puck clear his throat, sending Kurt up to catch him before he went upstairs.

"Oh, Dad," Kurt began. "Is it okay if Puck goes along, too?" Burt looked to where Puck was still sitting on Kurt's bed, an expectant smile across his face.

"Yeah, I kind of invited him last night," Finn added. "I hope it's alright."

Burt mulled over taking his son's past-bully along for the trip. The boy had made some progress since painting the grass in their front yard pink, and he did find him less irritating then when he first started coming over for dinner."Might as well," Burt said defeated. "But if I catch you using a fishing hook as a nipple piercing again I'm throwing you overboard, got it Puckerman?"

"Totally, Mr. H," Puck shouted from the bed. "You're the best!"

"Yeah, yeah," Burt said, shrugging off the compliment. "Kurt, get up here and get started on breakfast. If I'm going to be spending all day with your friends I'm going to need all the energy I can get."

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><p><strong>AN: Thanks for taking a few days of your life to read this! And I know you needed a few days because this mess was LONG! It really meandered around there for a while. It was just supposed to be a Kum fic but then it worked its way into basically all the guys in Kurt's life (minus Schue, Artie, and Mike, who in my mind don't really play that big a role in his life). This really was a hot mess of a story. I think I was drunk off Robitussin when I started it, and I hate seeing a story put to waste, so I finished it despite common sense telling me to stop and delete. **

**Anyway, I hope you tolerated it! Thanks for reviewing!**


	2. Brr It's Cold In Here

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or its characters or anything else. **

**A/N: So this is sort of a continuation of the previous oneshot 'Before Sunrise'. It's the same universe and everything and it's set just a couple of weeks after the other one. I paired them together because though you could read this on its own, I like the idea of them sewn together sort of like different chapters, though I don't see them that way. **

**And this is not a multi-chapter fic or anything. There's probably going to be one more chapter, two if I stretch it out (which I somehow always do). And I haven't even started it yet so don't get too excited.**

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><p><strong><span>Brrr…It's Cold In Here<span>**

"What's up, Kurtness?" Sam said as he sat down and wrapped an arm around his boyfriend, giving him a quick peck on the lips. "Ladies," he greeted, nodding politely to all the glee girls sitting at the lunch table with Kurt. "Blaine," he said darkly, acknowledging the former Warbler and Kurt's ex-boyfriend. "So, you coming over after school today?"

"Sorry, blondie," Mercedes said from the other side of Kurt, "but my homeboy and I got plans this afternoon." Kurt saw the slightly confused look on Sam's face and clarified.

"It's the Macy's One Day sale," he said apologetically. "The girls and I have been going every year since middle school."

"It's tradition," Rachel added from across their lunch table. At this Kurt and Mercedes rolled their eyes. Though Rachel had indeed accompanied them to the sale from the beginning of high school she still refused to heed their advice on updating her wardrobe so it didn't look like she was a Mormon sister-wife escaping a polygamous marriage.

"Mind if I come?" Sam said, his arm still slung over Kurt's shoulders. His request was met with deafening silence from the table, which seemed even eerier in the usually loud cafeteria.

"I don't think you'd want to go," Tina said off-handedly.

"Yeah, you don't want to see grown women fight over marked down cashmere," Blaine added. "I mean, this is my first year going along with these guys, but I've been by myself before and let me tell you, it's like a scene out of _Kill Bill _in there."

"I can handle that," Sam said defensively, clutching Kurt tighter to his side once he realized Blaine would be accompanying them to the sale.

"Sam," Kurt said, removing Sam's arm from around his shoulder and holding his hand between his, "it's nice that you want to join us, but it's not like a regular Saturday at the mall. It's a once a year sale. Things get a little crazy in there." Kurt's eyes sparkled as he remembered the insane deals he encountered the year before. "Plus I may do things I might not be proud of or wish for you to see, so I do think it would be best if you didn't attend."

"You'll probably be bored out of your mind in there," Quinn offered, trying to help. Kurt nodded in agreement.

"I can find something to do," Sam said confidently.

"Oh for God's sakes, Fish Lips," Santana said, exasperated. "Look, your boyfriend doesn't want you tagging along because he doesn't want to have to babysit you all day. And really, who could blame him? You'll probably get distracted by something shiny and end up trampled by a hoard of women rushing to the makeup counter for marked down cellulite cream."

"That totally happened to me last year," Brittany added from her seat next to Santana.

Kurt saw the slightly hurt look on Sam's face. He squeezed the hand that was still wrapped up in his own. "Don't listen to her," Kurt said, glaring at Santana from across the table. "I just know how bored you are when I drag you along to the mall, and it will only be a thousand times worse if you come today."

"Yeah, okay," Sam said, forcing a smile for his boyfriend.

"Besides, I promise to take all my new outfits and give you a fashion show tonight," Kurt said. "A very _private_ fashion show," he added in a breathy whisper.

"Well if you put it that way," Sam said, blushing deeply as his pants tightened considerably. He leaned over and gave his boyfriend a lingering kiss on the neck, making Kurt giggle.

"Aww," all the girls (and Blaine) gushed at the romantic scene.

"Gag," Santana said, stabbing fiercely at her salad.

**glee**

"Kurt!" Stevie and Stacy Evans exclaimed as they opened the door.

"Well hello, Miss Stacy," Kurt said, leaning down and giving Stacy a kiss on each cheek. "Sir Stevie," he said, tickling Stevie's stomach.

"Are those presents for us?" Stevie said excitedly, eyeing the bags Kurt had clutched in each hand.

"These?" Kurt said, twirling the bags in his hand. "No, these are just boring old clothes I got at the store today."

"Oh," Stevie said disappointedly.

"Oh, but these," Kurt said, lifting a couple of smaller bags out of the bigger ones, "I don't remember getting these…" He made sure the Disney logo on each bag was displayed prominently, sending Stevie and Stacey into hysterics.

"Ahhhh!" they screamed, jumping up and trying to grab the bags from Kurt.

"And I don't really care for Disney, so I guess I could give these to you guys, if you really want them," Kurt said, enjoying their anxiety.

"Pleeease!" Stevie yelled, jumping up and down, his mop of blond hair flailing wildly with him.

"Please, Kurt!" Stacy begged, tugging at the coattails of Kurt's sweater.

"Okay, since you two were so polite," Kurt acquiesced. He bent down and right when the bag was at their height they snatched it out of his hands and proceeded to rip it open. He couldn't help but smile at their squeals of delight once they found what lie inside.

Stacy pulled out a pink princess costume and various stuffed animals and a copy of _Tangled_ and _The Little Mermaid_ on DVD while Stevie pulled out a plastic sword and a stuffed dragon's head that he could wear as a hat and a copy of _Aladdin_ and _Peter Pan _on DVD as well.

"What do we have here?" Sam asked as he descended the steps of his house. He saw his little brother and sister trying on their new costumes and smirked as he realized Kurt had come bearing gifts for them yet again. "You know, I'm their brother and I don't even buy them half as much stuff as you do," Sam said, kissing Kurt once he got to the bottom of the stairs.

"They're kids," Kurt shrugged. "They should be spoiled while they're relatively young to enjoy it. Besides, I'm only responsible for the costumes. The DVDs are courtesy of Santana and her…five-fingered discount."

"You stole those DVDs?" Sam asked, aghast at his usually straight-laced boyfriend's devious behavior.

"Not me! Santana! By the time she showed them to me we were already halfway home," Kurt said. "I figure it's her way of apologizing for what she said at lunch."

"Funny, she never felt the need to apologize for the things she said when we were dating," Sam said, trailing off as he helped Stacy put on her princess costume.

"Well, she may have felt particularly guilty for the things she said today, especially after I got Mercedes to threaten to punch her boobs so hard her implants exploded," Kurt said.

"And that worked?" Sam asked, surprised that Santana would be at all scared of Mercedes.

"That and I got Brittany to hold back her sweet-lady kisses if she didn't apologize," Kurt smirked. "All it took was a Cinnabon and she was like a puppet and I was holding the strings."

Standing up once he was done helping Stacy he wrapped his hands around his boyfriend's waist and kissed him. "You're the best." Kurt smiled at the compliment.

"Eww," Stacy said seeing them kiss, "don't kiss Sam, he's got cooties."

"I'll save you, Kurt," Stevie said, whacking his brother on the leg with his sword.

"Ow! Dude!" Sam said, yanking the sword from his brother's grasp. "When you're older I'm so going to interrupt your alone time with your boyfriend and/or girlfriend."

Stevie stuck his tongue out at his brother, fighting the urge to kick him in the shin. Seeing the tears well in his eyes at his toy being taken away Kurt bent down and lifted Stevie in his arms, rubbing his back soothingly. Stevie buried his face in Kurt's shoulder, enjoying the comforting gesture.

"I don't know how I'm supposed to compete with an eight year old stealing my boyfriend," Sam said, his arms crossed in mock anger.

"You can't," Kurt teased, rocking Stevie back and forth in his arms. "Stevie's stolen my heart."

After a few minutes of this Sam saw the sleepy look in Stevie's eyes and announced it was time for bed.

"No!" whined Stacy, while Stevie was too tired to argue.

"Yes!" sang Sam, lifting Stacy from the floor into one arm then gently grabbing Stevie from Kurt into the other arm, allowing the countertenor to grab his shopping bags. He followed Sam and his siblings up the stairs, depositing his bags in Sam's room before accompanying him to the twin's room to tuck them in.

Kurt took Stacy from Sam and helped dress her down, making sure to leave her princess dress hanging where the young girl could keep an eye on it from her bed. Meanwhile Sam leaned down and tucked Stevie in, wiping the teary track marks from his cheeks. Stevie opened his eyes when Sam kissed him on the forehead, and gasped in excitement when Sam took the sword and laid it carefully next to his little brother. Stevie whispered a grateful thank you before reaching out to hug Sam good night. The two switched beds, Sam now tucking Stacy in and Kurt kissing Stevie goodnight.

Once they were done they retired to Sam's room, an exhausted Sam flopping down onto his bed. "I wish they slept all day," Sam said, stretching his aching muscles. "It's bad enough I've got my own football practice to go to, but then I have to go and help coach their soccer team, too, and then once they get home I have to shower them and feed them and clean up after them, and help them with their homework, and then do my homework, and of course they never keep still or stop fighting unless the TV's on, and they always want to watch different things but get upset when they're not together. Ugh, when will death come?" he sighed, closing his eyes and enjoying the relaxing feeling that accompanied this small act. Feeling the mattress sink next to him he pulled Kurt's body close, opening his eyes in surprise when his hand met the warm unclothed skin of his boyfriend.

"When did this happen?" Sam asked, staring down at his boyfriend who was clad solely in a pair of very tight red briefs.

"While you were busy complaining about having the most adorable little brother and sister in the world," Kurt said. "Do you like?" he asked, gesturing down to his sizeable groin.

"I love," Sam said, trailing his hands down to Kurt's crotch.

"I was referring to the underwear," Kurt said, though he didn't move Sam's hand. "I promised you a fashion show, remember?"

"I thought by fashion show you meant clothes and scarves and junk," Sam said, breathing in the sweet scent of Kurt's skin and kissing him gently behind his ear.

"I did buy 'clothes and scarves and junk'," Kurt mocked. "But I figured you'd be bored with that and want to get to the good stuff."

"You know me so well," Sam breathed, slipping his hand under the tight fabric and grasping Kurt's semi-hard manhood. Kurt groaned, eternally grateful that his quarterback boyfriend's calloused hands were used to gripping hard, firm things.

**glee**

"You'll be over tomorrow, right?" Sam asked, his head resting on Kurt's chest, his fingers lazily tracing circles around Kurt's belly button.

"Actually I have some stuff to do at home," Kurt said as he ran his hands through Sam's flaxen hair, scratching gently at the scalp. "But you and the kids could come over, it shouldn't take that long."

"Alright," Sam agreed, pressing a kiss to Kurt's chest before getting up and getting dressed. "What do you have to do?" he asked as he pulled on a shirt.

"I promised Puck I'd help him with his Spanish, and Finn invited himself along to the tutoring session since we live together now and it would be, quote, 'Like, totally unfair for you to help out Puck and not your caring, loving brother who made you Easy Mac'."

"Oh," Sam said quietly, getting to his feet still clad in nothing but a shirt and searching for his underwear.

"I know," Kurt agreed, pulling on his own underwear and pulling out his makeup compact and fixing his hair as best he could in the tiny circular mirror. "And he burned the Easy Mac! I didn't even know you could burn stuff in the microwave."

"No, it's just," Sam said as he struggled to get on his underwear. Kurt would have helped him, but he'd probably just end up ripping it off and going another round, and they had to get dressed because Sam's parents would be home any minute. "I don't think I can make it."

"What?" Kurt asked, snapping his compact shut. "Why?"

"I just remembered I have to – ," Sam began.

"You remembered nothing," Kurt accused. "What's going on? What aren't you telling me?" Sam hated being cornered. He was never good at it when Quinn or Santana did it to him, and it was a thousand times worse with Kurt because he liked Kurt a lot more than he had the other girls, so it made lying to him that much harder.

"It's weird, with Puck and Finn there," Sam muttered. Kurt had to strain his ears to hear him but he heard him nonetheless.

"What are you talking about? We're in glee club with them all the time," Kurt said.

"Yeah, and they ignore me in glee club, too," Sam said.

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked, more concerned than curious now. He turned to where Sam was standing and asked him to explain. Sam looked away pointedly, turning his back to Kurt and fumbling with his jeans.

"I don't know, it's stupid," Sam sighed, pulling his jeans on. He heard the unmistakable sound of his garage door opening and saw the flash of lights as his parents' car pulled up into the driveway. "Shit! They're home," he exclaimed, as he hurriedly zipped himself up and urged Kurt to get dressed. He ran down to greet them, hoping to buy Kurt some time to slip down the back stairwell into the living room. Kurt dressed quickly, wondering all the while what his stupid brother and that even stupider walking-STD had done to upset his boyfriend.

**glee**

"Explain yourselves," Kurt demanded. He was standing in front of Finn and Puck's epic game of Call of Duty, making sure to block the TV. He had his arms crossed and his hip cocked, his best bitch face on as he stared threateningly at the two. Neither of them noticed, however; instead they tried in vain to push him away, angering him even more.

Kurt bent down and searched for the main power outlet. Before they could stop him he yanked the chord to the PS3 and the boys groaned in annoyance.

"Dude! What the eff?" Puck screamed.

"Kurt! We were playing!" whined Finn.

"And now you're listening," Kurt said. "Now spill. What did," he said, pausing between each word and flicking each one of them on the forehead, "you two idiots do to Sam?"

"Oww!" Finn said, rubbing his forehead angrily.

"Aargh! I don't know what's worse, the pain or knowing I can't do anything to my attacker!" cried Puck as he squirmed around on the floor. Kurt walked over to Puck and placed his steel toed boot carefully over Puck's crotch while grabbing Finn's ear and twisting it a quarter of an inch.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow!" Finn yelped, his body rising as Kurt continued twisting.

"Dude, wha- what are you doing?" asked an alarmed Puck once he saw Kurt's boot and how close it was to his very delicate home entertainment center.

"Tell me what happened that made Sam uncomfortable around you guys," Kurt demanded, twisting Finn's ear again and ignoring his screams.

"Ahh! Don't tell him!" Finn yelled between cries.

"Spill it, Puckerman, or I squash your corn nuts into dust," Kurt threatened, putting the slightest amount of pressure on Puck's crotch. Puck squealed in terror and tried to lift Kurt's foot off.

"Okay! Okay! I give! Don't hurt my PuckNuggets!" he yelled. Kurt let go of Finn's ear and let him slump pathetically to the ground while he stepped on Puck's groin a little bit, making the mohawked boy nearly faint in terror. Once Kurt removed his boot Puck clutched his ball sac, guarding it from future attack.

"What happened?" Kurt asked again, staring down on the two terrified boys in anger.

"It was when we went fishing with your old man," Puck explained. Kurt figured it happened then; it was the last time the three of them had been together. "Your boy was acting all weird so me and Finn froze him out. No big deal."

"'Froze him out'?" Kurt said, shocked. "You ignored Sam for a nearly six hour fishing trip?"

"It wasn't just me, it was Finn and your dad, too," Puck said.

"I'll deal with my dad later," Kurt said, wondering in what way he could terrorize a man with a heart condition. "But you two are in for it."

"It wasn't our fault! He was all weird and goofy and stuff," Finn said, still rubbing his throbbing ear.

"_You're_ 'weird and goofy and stuff'," Kurt shot back. "Why was it so different with him?"

"Dude, he made his fish talk," Puck said, as if it explained it all. Kurt eyed him, waiting for him to finish his explanation. Once he realized that was it he only got madder.

"That's it? He made the fish he caught talk?" Kurt said, trying to control his voice.

"In an English accent!" Finn added. "Talking about Time Lords and Retardis machines or something," he added confusedly.

"It's called a T.A.R.D.I.S. and he was referring to a very popular British show called _Dr. Who_," Kurt explained.

"Who?" Finn asked.

"_Dr. Who_," Kurt said again.

"Dr. What?" Puck asked, genuinely lost.

"No, _Dr. Who_," Kurt clarified.

"Mr. Who?" Finn asked, resisting the urge to scratch his head in wonder because Kurt said it made him look like a baboon, which he looked up later and found out was a kind of monkey.

"Okay, we're not playing that anymore," Kurt said, wanting nothing more than to punch each boy in the face (with an open palm, like a lady). "And you two are making it up to Sam."

"What? We didn't even do anything!" Finn whined.

"You ignored him, on a six hour fishing trip he probably didn't even want to go on but only agreed to because he wanted to make a good impression with my dad," Kurt said. "And it wasn't because he did something inexcusable like pee in the lake," he said, looking at Puck, "or wear flannel and stripes," he said, looking this time to Finn. Both boys looked down, ashamed at being called out on their past misdeeds. "You froze him out because he was trying to be funny and get you guys to laugh. It's hard enough for him making friends, what with being new to the school and committing social suicide because some idiot convinced him to join glee club," he said, looking at a red-faced Finn, "without the people he considers his friends turning his back on him."

"Fine," Finn said, "we'll apologize."

"Not good enough," Kurt said, his arms crossed and his eyes hardened to the pouty faces of Puck and Finn.

"I'm not going out of my way to make it up to the kid," Puck said. "He's lucky I'm even gonna apologize."

"You'll do it or I'm not going to go with you anymore when you get tested at the free clinic," Kurt threatened. Finn looked to Puck confusedly.

"Even badasses need someone to hold their hand when they get scared," Puck shrugged. "Fine, I'll do it," he said, cursing Kurt and his stupid boyfriend.

"And you'll do it," Kurt said to Finn, who hadn't objected but whom Kurt wanted to threaten anyway in case he did, "or you'll have to find someone else to bring you warm milk when you wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep." At this Puck cast a disparaging look at Finn.

"He got me hooked when he was going to Dalton," Finn said, his cheeks burning with embarrassment.

"And you'll both do it whole-heartedly or the entire school finds out you accompanied me to get mani-pedi's this past weekend," Kurt said with finality.

"You swore you'd never tell!" Finn said, rising to his feet in objection.

"Dude, I didn't even want to go! You forced me!" Puck said defiantly.

"No one forced you to enjoy it, Puck," Kurt said with a roll of his eyes. "I saw how you couldn't stop rubbing your feet when they were done pumicing the reptile scales off."

"Aargh! Having a gay little best-step-brother-in-law is worse than having a million little sisters," Puck cried as he flopped backwards onto Finn's bed, Finn joining him in exasperation.

"You love me," Kurt assured him, sitting between the two boys, pinching Puck's cheek a little harder than he had to. "You both do," he said as he pinched Finn's cheek as well. "And you'll do as I say or each of your mother's will hear of it, and let's face it, they like me a lot more than they like either of you." Both boys grunted their agreement with this last statement.

"What do we have to do?" Finn dared to query as he rubbed his now sore cheek.

"You're both going fishing with Sam and my dad, again," Kurt said. "And I'm coming along to make sure you're both on your best behavior"

"You? Fishing?" Puck scoffed at the idea of Kurt Hummel in a green vest with fishing lures on his pockets and the smell of dead fish on his clothes.

"Yes. Me. Fishing," Kurt assured them. "This weekend."

"Wait, are you making breakfast?" Finn asked brightly.

"Yes, I suppose I will," Kurt said, rubbing his temples at his brother's one track mind.

"I meant now," Finn clarified, his stomach rumbling happily at the thought of breakfast in the afternoon. "Are you going to make breakfast now?"

Kurt resisted the urge to grab a pillow and suffocate Finn, saving the world from his hunger, and instead walked out of the room without a word, going to call Sam and inform him of this weekend's plans.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So there it is. Hope you liked it and found it at the very least a distraction from your chaotic or dull everyday lives. **

**As always, I love you guys and thanks for reading and reviewing!**


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